My Forthcoming Book
Each of our lives are an epic journey of self-acceptance, redemption, and crazy self-love. I don’t have to tell you that divorce is hard. There are so many parts to why it’s hard, yet I hadn’t anticipated the cataclysmic loss of identity and need to redefine myself.
My divorce journey presented epic challenges and that’s why I have written a memoire about how I used my divorce as a vehicle to transform my life. You see I started out as a single mother in 2011, without a pile of money, and zero child support because we chose shared custody. My physical constitution was so-so despite excellent self-care. Heck, I didn’t even have a job. I know, it sounds audacious if not a tad reckless. But it wasn’t reckless , it was drawn from my conviction to follow a wholehearted and intrepid path I did not fully understand. About six months in I realized I’d need to come up with plan for myself If I was use my divorce as an opportunity to thrive, instead of becoming a victim of my circumstances.
When I began to utilize all of my challenges as a kind of life initiation, I grew stronger and more self confident from acquiring the spiritual and practical tools to meet those obstacles. Triumphing over, what at times felt like ceaseless tests and trials, made me really proud of myself.
I believe all of us can become unstoppable, by learning to engage with each roadblock we encounter as another sacred test. Each test will point you on a path for developing the skills you most need to become whole and self-referenced. Instead of avoiding everything that made me nervous, I made a decision to throw my energy behind a few really uncomfortable endeavors that would have a long-term gain. I went to graduate school at 49 and became a licensed psychotherapist. My new career and respectable income led me to the work and meaning my life had been missing. I found the “why” for my life from the personal growth work divorce required.
How it happened
So I’m chopping and tossing diced carrots, celery and onions into a simmering pot after a long day at my social work internship—the boys are doing homework after soccer practice, and I hear an author on NPR talking about The Hero’s Journey. It was as if a lightning bolt directly struck my consciousness, I paused from stirring the lentil soup and turned up the radio so I could take notes. In no time I knew I was a heroine on a quest—just like every other divorcing woman out there. Then and there, my whole mission changed.
The heroine metaphor resonated because of the profound amount of courage and tenacity required to simply face my own gnarly habits of dependence and self-betrayal. In short, the magnitude of the life change I was undergoing finally revealed itself to me in bold relief. YOU WILL NEED TO BEOCME YOUR OWN HEROINE MARGO. I could no longer dispute my destiny or the mission it required I take. At this point I understood I would have to really travel into the depths of my own feminine subconscious to dispel my life-long illusions of self-abandonment.
In this book I’ve attempted to write about this very human reckoning with my own limitations, raising my two sons while endeavoring to become financially sound and emotionally whole. Integral in my approach to healing self-abandonment is the notion that you can be your very own elixir; a radical departure from the female script of looking for nourishment everywhere but inside. Taking myself under my own wing, at this very visceral level, really has changed the way I see everything and operate in the world.
Self-efficacy and Humility became my magic swords.
Humility from the full-ton of humiliation inherent in my divorce process--namely the total loss of my married role and status, helped me ask for help from my higher power which made overcoming huge obstacles seem a lot easier. Through courting triumph in middle age, my self-efficacy grew exponentially and I earned my own self-respect. In other words, I increased the perception of my own ability to meet whatever the world might throw at me. That’s when my journey started to get exciting!
Over time, I became pretty good at the divorce marathon and at times I felt like a divorce Rockstar. Well, admittedly, this did take some time. Yet, as self-efficacy became my new passion, I no longer felt so lost. More self-respect made it much easier to eventually fall unapologetically in love with me. Yup—you heard it here first. I’ve become a much more self-confident woman who is kind and tender to herself, all because of my intrepid divorce journey. In my memoire I share down to earth wisdom about how I found my way, along with all kinds of revelations and many of the skillful tools I devised from learning to become a whole and self-referenced version of me. And I believe you can too.
My book is completed, and edited by an awesome team of discerning readers. I am currently in search of a divorced female agent with a spiritual bent. I will let you know just as soon as the book is ready. We are creating a wait list here if you wish to be first to get your own copy.
GALLERY: As I watch for photos to reveal a perfect moment, it really allows me to steep in gratitude for the life I have created through my divorce-transformation initiation.
