Debunking the Provider Myth

Through the Divorce-Transformation Project and my forthcoming book, I’m offering divorced women total permission to debunk their own provider mythology and give themselves permission to go where our collective culture has in many ways prohibited—to become whole self-referenced version of you.

At some point I grew tired of longing and waiting. I realized I could be the elixir I’d been dreaming of.! The crux of the provider myth centers on the question, “Am I willing to robustly provide for myself on every level—to be a provider?” For me this required letting go of a tenacious and subterranean operating system promoting the fantasy of some magic sauce for my life that would somehow descend upon me from on high—namely a perfect partner. 

Relinquishing this societal tonnage provoked so much rage and betrayal. Betrayal that I’d bought into the fallacy of my own insufficiency for so very long. As I gave up my provider myth fantasy I had to literally grieve a full blown addiction to a dream.

I believe this is a hard-wired illusion for many women, the notion that we will never be enough, or have enough unless we are set up with the perfect partner and the perfect life. so deep it seems almost cellularly encoded.  

By self-referenced, I mean you provide your own self-validation, self-approval, and purpose from your own construct of personal values. We create meaning and are fulfilled by living according to what we value and what we devote our time and energy to. This is how women truly can provide for themselves. 

Single men are expected to be self-referenced. They are seen as lucky bachelors, who are not defined by the women in their lives. It’s our turn.

My forthcoming book will give you a granular depiction of how to face and reckon with our own provider mythology so that you can become robust providers of your own emotional, financial, physical/practical, and spiritual fulfillment. This is how you cease to self-abandon. This is how we debunk the provider myth at a personal level, become a whole and self-referenced woman who no longer leaks her power, blazing a new trail of female sufficiency.